Chapter 22 - Part 2: His Heart

Not looking at him required more effort than Khushi pleased. Perhaps it was the embarrassment of him knowing about her feelings, or it was the anger for him because he seemed to be taking advantage of the information he had, or if it was just the need to save herself from a heartbreak but whatever it was made her want to stay as far away from him as possible. Simply because she knew that if they have another argument on the topic, she just might end up blurting that her feelings for him were still intact.

All morning, thanks to the Mehendi ceremony and its related preparations, and Arnav's sleeping in, she had kept herself busy and distracted. But as she sat here now, talking to Lavanya, while the henna artist worked away, ignoring him was becoming increasingly harder, especially when she could feel his eyes on her, unwavering.

Khushi mentally thanked Lavanya and her ability to chatter away. At least Lavanya's endless talking gave Khushi a reason to keep her eyes trained on her

Little did she know that Lavanya was following her own plan? Keeping Khushi distracted was key at the moment, and Lavanya would talk as long as she could to make that happen.

A half hour after the henna artist had left Khushi's side; Khushi realized just what the hell had happened. She stared down at her palm, her heart pounding her head. She'd found it when she was admiring the intricate patterns on her hands earlier. The conflict of her life was portrayed right there on her palm.

Why the stupid woman had gone ahead and written Arnav' on her hand was beyond Khushi. And it was just beyond ironic that his name was written at the base of her ring finger, just below the band of the engagement ring...NK's ring.

She hadn't told the woman to even write NK' or Nakul'...what the hell made her write Arnav's name?

Khushi answered her own question by looking around the room for Arnav. He wasn't around. No doubt this was his doing. He stuck around long enough to ensure that the lady would write his stupid name on Khushi's hand and then he left once the deed was done.

"Khushi...can you find his name?"

Anjali's question brought Khushi out of her thoughts. How the hell does Anjali know?!

"W-what?" Khushi blurted, flustered.

"Offo!" Anjali clicked her tongue. "I'm asking if you can find Rohan's name in here...if he's going to look for it on our wedding night, I'm not making it easy..."

"Give him a break...I'm sure he won't want to spend the entire night just looking for his name." Lavanya winked earning a gasp from Payal, a chuckle from Khushi, and a crimson blush from Anjali.

"Good one Lavanya...that reminds me, Anjali...I have a gift for you...remind me to give it to you tomorrow at our hen's party." Khushi smirked evilly, subconsciously hiding her palm from the eyes of the others.

"Should I be worried?" Anjali raised an eyebrow.

"Terrified!" Khushi winked.
_____


Khushi settled the last Pooja thal in the line of many before joining Payal in the centre of the hall as they looked around. It had taken them the major part of the night to clean up the hall after the mehendi ceremony. As they worked with utmost care to keep from ruining their dried mehendi, their speed had declined significantly.

Payal looked at her hand proudly. "This better come out dark, or else Akash is going to get an earful from me."

"Leh!" Lavanya clicked her tongue. "Of all of us, Anjali should be the one worried about it not turning out dark..."

"Where is she?" Payal looked around the hall and realized that Anjali was gone.

"She's with Rohan...its haldi tomorrow and they don't get to see each other after that so they're making the best of the time they've got together." Khushi winked.

"Damn these love birds; don't they ever get bored of seeing each other's face all the time?" Lavanya threw her hands up in the air as the three of them started walking out of the hall.

"When you love someone, no amount of time spent with them is enough..." Payal spoke dreamily, making Khushi roll her eyes.

"I beg to differ...it's not that the amount of time isn't enough...it's just the feeling for elation and pure happiness when you're around them that makes it better. I mean...you can smile through a difficult situation if you have their support." Khushi explained absent-mindedly.

"Ohhh...you sound like you know the feeling..." Lavanya teased knowingly. "But still...I don't see you and NK stuck to each other like I see Anjali and Rohan."

Khushi forced a smile and looked ahead, not choosing to answer that. She couldn't give an honest answer and she didn't want to lie.

Suddenly, Payal yelped as Akash, who was hiding against the wall next to the door, pulled her towards him.

"Akash, what are you--" Payal's voice was suddenly muffled and Khushi pressed her lips to keep from giggling, knowing that if Payal's lips weren't moving to talk, they were busy with another task.

"Khushi...do you hear anything?" Lavanya cupped her ears as if straining to hear.

"Nope...I don't even see anything." Khushi rolled her tongue into her cheek "But you two might want to turn into a room..."

And the two girls scurried off, giggling.

As they turned another corner, Khushi walked straight into Arnav. He caught her in time by wrapping his arms around her and Lavanya bit her tongue to keep the giggles at bay.

"Once again...I don't see anything, and I don't hear anything..." Winking at the entwined duo, Lavanya skipped off merrily.

Khushi's surprised eyes followed Lavanya until she was out of sight while Arnav stared at the love of his life, standing within the circle of his arms. Khushi realized their position as soon as Lavanya was out of her view and thoughts and immediately, she began to struggle to free herself.

"Don't fight it Khushi..."

Khushi looked at him for a couple of seconds...was he talking about her struggle to free herself from his embrace or was he talking about the war within herself...she couldn't be sure.

"We need to talk." He spoke with conviction and Khushi had a feeling that if she refused, he wouldn't be deterred.

Khushi held up her palm, just long enough for him to catch the glimpse of his name. It was exactly where Lavanya told him it would be.

"Look, Arnav...There are only two days left until the wedding is done...let's not dig up old graves and get through these two days...life will go back to the usual for both of us after that." Khushi looked at his face squarely with stubborn determination.

"We already dug up one old grave yesterday...might as well deal with the rest of them...and I don't know about you but my life isn't going back to the usual routine..."

Khushi closed her eyes and sighed. "Arnav...I never meant for you to find out...you weren't supposed to know how I felt about you...I was certain I'd packed that diary with my stuff...I don't know how it got to you..."

"I spent all of my time in your room after you left..." Arnav confessed, pulling her a little closer. Her eyes caught his and held seeing the sincerity of his words reflecting in those brown depths. "It was tough coming to terms with the fact that my best friend...my Khush was gone...and that the last memory I had of her was an argument...it was a tad bit easier to get through the day without you if I spent time in your room...one of those days, I found your diary...and I've lost count of how many times I've read it since then..."

He unwound one arm from around her waist to brush a strand of hair off of her forehead. She seemed to be paying him unyielding attention and he didn't waste any more time.

"Even though I'd read it all...your thoughts, your reasons, your explanations, and even your excuses, I couldn't accept that they were the reason why you didn't say anything...until your outburst last night, of course...but even then...I can't help but ask why you didn't tell me..." Arnav mentally pulled himself back and held onto his resolve.

He hadn't realized that he'd once again locked her between the wall and himself. He knew they were standing in a somewhat compromising position and it would no doubt raise questions if someone saw them but he couldn't bring himself to let her go.

"I already told you why I didn't..." The anger returned in her voice. Arnav blinked and looked at her for a couple of seconds. Every time they spoke about this topic, she always got angry and then it became nearly impossible to keep the conversation going.

"I don't buy that...the reasons you gave me yesterday can't be the only reasons why you kept this from me!"

"I don't give a fuck about what you buy and what you dont. Believe what you want, Arnav, but I told you-" Khushi's sentence was cut off by his retort.

"I know. I heard you yesterday...but Khushi...You can't tell me that you've never imagined the possibility! Didn't you ever consider the possibility that I might have felt the same way?"

"Did you?" Was the quick, taunting retort.

"Yes!" Arnav's voice was steady and strong as he at last confessed his deepest secret to her. "Yes I did!"

Khushi froze her eyes wide with disbelief and her jaw open in obvious surprise. Her heart jumped in celebration while the butterflies began their own dance in the pits of her stomach. Tears rushed into her eyes, whether of joy or grief, she couldn't tell. She almost fell apart when he cupped her face lovingly, making her feel cherished.


She had poured her heart out into a diary, and he'd had the opportunity to look into her heart through it. He didn't have a diary so he would open up his heart to you.


"I loved you too, Khush..." He smiled genuinely at her, his eyes wary as they observed her for reactions.

Khushi could feel her lower lip trembling, threatening to give way to sobs. She felt traces of anger and hurt within the mix of emotions but the most prevalent emotion was of jubilance. The utmost joy of being loved back by the person you were in love with. Given their situation, wishful thinking crept onto her and she blurted her thoughts without realizing that she was doing so.

"Y...You did?"

Arnav nodded gravely, regret clearly visible in his eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" Her tone was desperate, almost accusing.

Arnav's smile turned sad. "If I could go back in time and change one thing...that's what I would change...if I had a chance, I would take us back to that prom night when I'd first realized what I felt...I would make myself tell you everything right then...but the magnitude of it all didn't descend down until we were in Canada...If I could go back in time, I would seize every opportunity to tell you that I was crazy about you...ever since Prom."

"P-prom night?" Khushi whispered her disbelief increasing ten-folds. That point in time, when he claims to have realized his feelings, was way before even she realized what she felt for him! All this time, she'd convinced herself that one-sided feelings were the cause of her heartbreak... The realization that he'd been in this tangled web for a longer time was disorienting.

"yes...and I know fully well that I should have told you but I took an extremely childish and even more foolish way around the whole situation...I was dedicated to find out whether you felt the same way or not...so I used, again very stupidly, jealousy..." He saw a look of exasperation skitter across her face and he spoke quickly to explain.

"I know it sounds absolutely absurd and unbelievable but it was the reason why I dated all those women! Every time I brought someone home, I desperately hoped to see some kind of a jealous reaction in your behavior but I never found it...If I'd had the slightest inkling about how much you were masking...I would have told you right away...and now that I know that we were both in the exact same place, I can't help but feel frustrated that neither of us tried to tell each other..." he watched her face keenly for the slightest changes in expression but her face was a neat mask of blankness and she away no thoughts.

After a long time, Khushi finally soaked up all the information and found her voice, albeit icy with rage. "Do you even realize how ridiculous you sound?"

"You have no idea Khushi..." Arnav leaned his forehead against hers. "You have no idea how much I've berated and hated myself for that stupidity." He pulled away just enough to look into her eyes squarely. "It cost me one of the most important people in my life, Khush...I hurt you...I broke your heart...but trust me...I've been living in purgatory without you."

"Do you know what it did to me to see you with those girls?!" Khushi accused as she removed his hands from her face, hurt and angry after learning of his stupid behavior.

"I know...I know, baby...and I'm so so sorry. I know what that feels like and it kills me to know that I put you through that...I feel just like that when I see you with NK..."

NK. Khushi's mind did a double take and she shuttered her face from him. This conversation is leading into the forbidden confessions...Remember your promise to yourself Khushi...back off...you can't do that to NK...but...but he felt the same way! Maybe there's hope! No! How many times have you told yourself that before? Don't be selfish...think about NK.

"Say something, Khush..." He pleaded.

"What do you want me to say, Arnav? What do you want me to say after I just found out that you tried to see how I felt about you by playing idiotic jealousy games?! How stupid were you?!"

"Very, apparently." Arnav smiled wryly and cupped her face again, making an instantaneous decision. "but I don't want to make the same mistake this time Khushi...I've been stupid enough to last me my entire life...I realized that what I felt for you was beyond friendship on prom night...I didn't say anything then because I didn't want to lose my friend just in case she didn't feel the same way...so I turned to jealousy...I used to rage with jealousy when I saw you with another man...I figured that if you felt that way for me, you'd react the same way...I should have learnt to stop when the first couple of attempts didn't work but I was stubbornly convinced that it would..."

A tear finally escaped her eyes and he quickly wiped it away with his thumb.

"Khushi, please, don't cry...it kills me. When I found out about your engagement with NK...I had to leave from there before I killed him...so I left...I couldn't bring myself to come back because I didn't want to see you with him...and then I learnt that this is an arranged marriage...so I came back...to figure out your equation with NK." Arnav's thumb stroked the pale smooth skin of her cheek as he spoke.

Khushi could only stare up at him as she put together puzzle pieces. Everything made sense now...him freaking out in the past when she went on a date, him being extra possessive of her, him trying to cover her up from the lustful eyes of the world...and now...his angry departure after her engagement announcement, his badgering with the questions, his dislike towards NK...

But if he still reacts that way...does that mean...does he still...?

"Why?" Khushi croaked the question, her throat suddenly dry. The anger and frustration ebbed slowly to give way to optimism and hope.

Arnav bore his eyes into her, letting the shutters fall, giving her insight to his emotions. "Because if I have your Diary, you have my heart. Because I lied when I said that I loved you...the truth is, Khushi, that I still love you..."

As the tears unleashed from her eyes, the corners of her lips quirked up into a soft smile. Relief washed over Arnav and from her smile, he found the courage to repeat his confession...

"I love you, Khushi..." His eyes twinkled as they held her tearful ones.

A chuckle escaped Khushi and its echo sounded in his chuckle. He felt the exuberance build up as he realized that he'd at last, finally, had confessed his feelings to her. In a swift moment, he moved his hands away from her face, circled them around her waist and pulled her into his embrace, hiding his face into the crook of her neck.

He mumbled the three magical words against her skin, sending jolts of electricity down her spine. The part of her that was desperately in love with this man made her flatten out her hands on his back, pulling him closer to her as if he'd disappear if she let go while the part of her that was more set on self-preservation frowned in disapproval.

The pessimistic part of Khushi's heart made feeble attempts to yell warnings at her while the optimistic and hopeful part of her heart sang in joy, loud enough to drown out the warnings.

He lifted his head slightly and pulled away slowly, letting his cheek caress hers as he did so. His hands moved up her sides until they were cupping her face again. He paused when his face was close enough that their nose tips were touching. He opened his eyes to observe her reaction and found her eyes shut and lips parted slightly...in anticipation?

Arnav kissed the corner of her mouth. "It was always you Khushi...through all these years..." He left another gentle kiss on the other side of her mouth. "It's always been you. Always You..."

Tentatively, he moved in a tad bit and his heart leaped in his chest when he saw her face tilt upwards, almost imperceptible yet welcoming. He couldn't help but smile at her quiet approval.

"And it always will be you, Khush..." With that, he pressed his lips to hers.

Tweet Follow @Katie_3L